Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
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