i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Randomize
