weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
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