summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize