the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
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