He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
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