I like to think it a success when the cops are called
I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
Randomize
