Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize
