the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize