Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
