just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
stop calling my apartment porn island.
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
Randomize
