Jerry, you need to find god
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
The adults are the big ones right?
Randomize