youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
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