I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
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