Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
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