Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize
