Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
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