Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
Randomize
