I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
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