I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
Randomize
