Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Randomize
