if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
I want you more than these girls want KFC
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
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