Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
Last time i carry you out of a forest
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
All the doctor said was why
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
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