never play flip cup with pint glasses
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Randomize
