i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
