call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
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