Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
Randomize