Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
Randomize
