he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
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