but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
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