I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Randomize
