I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Randomize
