One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Randomize
