what if every blade of grass was a penis?
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
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