Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
