i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
Randomize