you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
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