Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
Randomize
