Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
time to smoke my breakfast
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
