if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Randomize