so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
Randomize
