She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
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