We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
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