We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
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