I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
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