The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
