I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize
