Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
Randomize
