my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize
