summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
my nose is crying tears of wow.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
