And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
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