I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
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