Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
Randomize
