There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
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