I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
