so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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