A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
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