I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
Randomize
