There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
Randomize
