well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
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