today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
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