im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Randomize
