If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
Randomize