i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Randomize
