my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
