i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
