I think I died a long time ago.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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