I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
