I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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