I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
