I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
