My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
you will always have a special place in my vag
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
Randomize
