sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
I just gift wrapped bread.
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
how does that bad decision feel?
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
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