remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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