I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
Randomize
