I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
