Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
Life is so much better after having sex.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
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