are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
Randomize
