just tell him i said nine months
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
Randomize
