I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
