all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Randomize
