Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
Randomize
