Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Randomize